BY ALEXA CHERRY
For the UAS Whalesong
Time and money are two major considerations for your average college student. In this case, we don’t have time to bake or eat an entire apple pie on our own – we could make time, but that would cut into our time for other things, like sleeping and eating real food. That being said, I thought I would share with you all a recipe I found on how to make apple pie bites – all the tastiness of a whole pie without having to bake and figure out something to do with a whole pie.
If you want pictures to guide you, I got this recipe from the website “The Blond Cook,” but rephrased it a little to be more appealing to the college student eye. So, without further ado:
YOU WILL NEED:
• 1 can of crescent rolls (the original recipe says Pillsbury Original, which are the best, but I understand that you’re probably on a budget so do what you can)
• ¼ cup packed light brown sugar (normal brown sugar probably works just fine. Feel free to borrow some from your roommate who actually cooks. Just, you know, ask first. Or don’t, and just make sure they get some pie bites.)
• Apple pie spice – you’ll need 1 teaspoon and then some extra for sprinkling on top, if you’re fancy like Lorde
• 3 tablespoons melted butter
• 1 small Granny Smith apple, cored and sliced into 8 (eight) ½-inch slices (decoded for the non-culinary: get a green apple, cut it into 8 slices that aren’t super thick, pick out the seeds)
Okay, once you’ve gone to the store and gotten all of that, get ready to make the easiest pie in the world. Are you ready? Well, hurry up, because the instructions are next.
MAKE YOUR PIE BITES:
• Preheat your oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. None of this foreign Celsius stuff. We are in America, the only country that uses the Fahrenheit measurement. 375 degrees.
• Get a bowl and combine your apple pie spice and brown sugar. Stir it, toss it, use a whisk, make them drift with each other in a Jaeger, who cares, they just gotta combine. Like the original Power Rangers.
• Melt butter. I find this works best if you put it in a bowl, put the bowl full of butter in the microwave, and then microwave it in 30-second intervals. You want nicely melted butter, not boiling oil to hurl in the face of intruders.
• Put your apple slices in the bowl of melted butter; set aside. The original recipe said “toss” them in, but that sounds risky. Still, I don’t own you. Live your life.
• Arrange crescent roll triangles on baking sheet. Evenly distribute brown sugar mixture onto each triangle. I suggest lining your baking sheet with parchment paper or spraying it with PAM first. The less time you have to spend cleaning this up, the better.
• Sprinkle each triangle with the chopped pecans. Wait, what chopped pecans, you never said anything about chopped pecans, what – okay. Look. I may have forgotten to add the chopped pecans on the ingredients list. If you’re a good and conscientious chef, you will have read the whole recipe before you went to buy your ingredients and known that you needed ¾ cup chopped pecans for this recipe. I could go back and add them to the ingredients list now, but I don’t like pecans anyway and I think this recipe benefits from their omission. So, moving on –
• Place an apple slice on the wide end of each triangle. Wrap crescent roll dough around each apple slice. Like those “pigs in blankets” things your mom used to feed you. Unless your mom enforced vegetarianism, in which case, I’m sorry. Pigs in blankets are delicious.
• Brush each crescent roll with melted butter and sprinkle lightly with additional apple pie spice
• Bake for 10-12 minutes. It adds “or until golden brown, then cool for 5 minutes before serving,” but let’s be real. You are going to leave them in the oven for 11 minutes, remove them, then eat them immediately, because apple pie is delicious and you are right to do so. That’s your own choice, though. Don’t sue me when you burn your tongue and fingers.
There you have it – a quick and easy recipe that you can make for yourself, your friends, your roommates, or that one inevitable class where you have to sign up to bring snacks and everyone’s just been bringing Oreos and bags of chips and you were like “I want to STAND OUT” but you didn’t know what to do to make that happen. Here is the answer, friend. Apple pie bites. Go forth and prosper.